Technology is now woven into almost every part of our lives — from how we work to how our children learn, play, and communicate. One of the biggest questions many parents face is when — and how — to give their child a mobile phone. This discussion often arises towards the end of junior school in Years 5 and 6 as children are starting to become increasingly independent in preparation for secondary school. As a parent, one of the common challenges is how to enforce phone use in line with your family beliefs around safety and connection in the context of external pressure from peers and wider society.
Benefits of Mobile Phones
Learning and Education
In an increasingly digital world, many schools encourage children to learn using online interactive subject-based websites, apps for Maths and phonics in the form of games and online resources such as BBC Bitesize and educational Youtube videos. This is done both within the classroom and for home-based learning and revision. Some children are better able to engage and interact with learning via these mediums and it enables access to a wider range of resources than might be otherwise be available.
Safety and Communication
A common view is that a mobile is important from a safety perspective if your child is walking alone to and from school, and to keep in touch with friends moving to different schools.
Social Connection
For some children socialising in the real world can be challenging and talking to friends online, via message or through gaming apps can be a good way to keep in touch and develop a sense of community.
Concerns About Mobile Phone Use
There is increasing emerging evidence about harms related to mobile phone use, particularly smartphones. This includes the impact on the mental health of young people with a recent study finding an association with problematic smartphone use and anxiety and depression (Carter et al., 2024). This study also found that young people are often aware of their problematic phone use and have expressed a desire to find ways to address it.
In my clinical setting young people often talk about the impact on their mood of a range of factors linked to phone use such as comparison to peers; feeling excluded; striving for unrealistic ideals related to body shape, exercise and eating; online bullying; risk of potential grooming and harmful content. There are also concerns that frequent phone use may affect real-world social skills (Ralph & Ramos Nuñez, 2021).
Concerns have been raised about the disruption access to phones can have on learning in the classroom leading to many secondary schools starting to implement limits around mobile phones (Department for Education, 2024).
Helping Your Child Navigate Technology Safely
Given that there is unlikely to be a significant shift in our reliance on technology it is important to find ways to support your child to navigate it safely.
Limit screen time in terms of hours and where the device is used
Limiting screen time and / or use of apps can help your child to learn ways to use technology within healthy limits. It can be very easy for young people to slip into scrolling endlessly or feeling under pressure to respond immediately to peers and be available constantly.
Agree on monitoring
Even with parental controls there is good likelihood that your child will encounter inappropriate or upsetting content at some stage online. It is therefore essential there are some agreements in place around parental monitoring. Explain that monitoring is about safety, not spying.
Modelling healthy phone use
Linked to monitoring phone use is the idea of using phones collaboratively and modelling healthy phone use. Children learn from what they see. Try to use your own phone in ways that reflect balance — for instance, putting it away during family time. Use tricky online moments as learning opportunities: talk together about how to handle group chat issues or how to respond to upsetting content.
It’s also helpful to remind children that harmful content doesn’t just come from strangers — sometimes it’s shared by friends. Keep communication open so your child knows they can come to you without fear of getting into trouble. It might also be helpful to discuss with your child how you personally have managed a tricky situation and what you learnt from it.
Create a Family Technology Contract
Many parents opt for drawing up a “technology/ phone contract” with their child which might include:
-how much can be spent on the phone or hours of use
-where the phone is to be used
-what the phone can and can’t be used for
-clarity regarding what is considered appropriate and inappropriate content
-agreements about parental monitoring
-responsibilities your child has for maintaining the phone and keeping it charged,
-managing data, downloads and purchases
-what to do if your child encounters something upsetting.
There are many contracts readily available online that can be freely downloaded and edited to fit with your purposes.
Explore other alternatives to smartphones
If you would like your child to have a way to communicate but do not feel a smartphone is the right option you may wish to consider other options such as a “brick phone” or smart watch that enables calling and texting but not internet access.
As these options do not always have a GPS tracker included some parents opt for this alongside other tracking devices that do include GPS. If you do choose an option such as a smart watch it may be worth checking in advance that these will be allowed by your child’s school and are not viewed in the same way as smart phones.
Discuss with school the idea of developing a mobile phone policy
The Department for Education (2024) has issued guidance to help schools manage phone use during the school day. If your school doesn’t yet have a clear policy, it might be worth suggesting one. A consistent approach across families can also help reduce peer pressure.
Facilitate non screen based socialising
Finally, one way to manage battles around phone use is to offer a fun alternative such as gaming together in person, traditional structured activity with friends such as bowling, cinema and sport. These activities help children develop real-life social skills, confidence, and resilience.
A question for you as parents to consider is –What are your priorities when it comes to your child’s phone use? How will you introduce it in line with these priorities?
If you and/or your family are experiencing difficulties and think you might benefit from an intervention that is specifically tailored to meet your individual needs, please feel free to contact me on Tel: 07514 874561 or Email: kajal@anchorpsychology.co.uk
References
Department for Education (2024). Mobile phones in schools: Guidance for headteachers and staff. GOV.UK. https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/65cf5f2a4239310011b7b916/Mobile_phones_in_schools_guidance.pdf
Carter, L., Smith, J., & Jones, A. (2024). Problematic smartphone use and adolescent mental health: A longitudinal study. Journal of Adolescent Research, 39(2), 145–160.
Ralph, K., & Ramos Nuñez, A. (2021). Understanding the link between social skills and phone use. Journal of Student Research, 10(3).
